Prepared for Zombies?

CDC Prepared for Zombie Apocalypse?


Apparently the government is using our tax dollars to be prepared for absolutely everything – including a zombie apocalypse? Really? Really… The CDC released in mid May that we, the citizens, need to prepare for a zombie apocalypse. Of course, they have some tips to help us out…

CDC Prepared for Zombies?

You probably saw or heard about the article from the CDC warning us to prepare ourselves for a potential zombie apocalypse (…). Of course, they were partly playing on a mainstream humor point to dish out other advice and information – but we came across another article which we just had to feature.

The CDC was warning Americans about how zombies are usually portrayed as the result of a virus – the kind they are busily “preventing” with their vaccines. Our featured article, however, has a slightly different spin on the matter. The author, Mike Adams, the Health Ranger from NaturalNews, points out holes in the CDC’s preparedness plan and is suggesting that vaccines are actually the cause of zombiefication – not the cure!

(NaturalNews) Although it may seem unbelievable, this is not a satire piece or a joke. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control, which has been deeply engaged in the fictions of Swine Flu and other so-called “pandemics,” is now publicly warning Americans to prepare for a zombie apocalypse.

In a May 16th blog entry on the website (…), author Ali S. Khan asks the question, “Where do zombies come from and why do they love eating brains so much?” The article then goes on to suppose that “zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder – “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”

The CDC has apparently been listening to my hip-hop song Vaccine Zombie (…) and decided to run with the concept. Vaccines, of course, are the real source of zombies because they eat your brain (and cause autism, too). For some reason, the CDC didn’t mention that…

Government preparedness tips…much like military intelligence

The CDC’s zombie apocalypse article is, of course, an effort to reach a younger crowd by appealing to mainstream youth interests which now include anything having to do with vampires and zombies. The article actually offers a useful but rudimentary set of preparedness tips that include gathering up emergency medicine supplies, food, water and tools.

Some of the strategies include preparing all your “important documents” such as your passport and birth certificate. This is obviously based on the idea that you are going to be relocated and will probably end up as a refugee of some sort (in a FEMA camp, no doubt). So remember to bring your birth certificate. Of course, if you don’t actually have a birth certificate, you can always use Photoshop to create one from a collage of random scanned documents and no one will notice the difference these days. Not even the mainstream media.

Not surprisingly, the CDC also strongly suggests that you should bring your medications with you, because of course the entire U.S. public has already been infected with a zombie-like medical mythology that causes them to believe the human body is somehow deficient in prescription drugs. Without their meds, people think they might die! Although there are a few cases where this is true, by and large medications harm far more people than they help. But that’s another story…

CDC: Do not defend yourself against the attacking zombies

One thing the CDC has utterly left out of its preparedness list, not surprisingly, is any kind of self defense weapon. Zombie lore is rife with all kinds of weapons: shotguns, chain saws, flamethrowers, swords and knives. Hand grenades, explosives and rockets are also prominently featured in zombie flicks. These weapons are usually what save the movie characters from being overrun by marauding zombies.

But the CDC says nothing about weapons. Not even a basic combat knife or a 22 pistol to keep handy. I guess the idea of people preparing for emergencies with some citizen weaponry isn’t something the government wants to encourage, huh? Just be sure to have your papers in order but not your personal safety.

Instead, the CDC says it will save you. “Never Fear – CDC is Ready!” it says. It goes on to explain:

CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).

“Infection control” means arrested infected people at gunpoint and moving them into “infection zones” where everybody is infected and anyone who tries to flee is shot. That’s how a quarantine actually works, in case you didn’t know. Ask the CDC yourself if you don’t believe me.

How to get yourself killed? Follow the CDC

So here’s the CDC’s advice so far. If there’s a zombie apocalypse, then according to the CDC you’re supposed to evacuate with your prescription medications and your birth certificate, then head out into the zombie-infested world without a weapon? And then somehow you’re supposed to magically survive a zombie assault long enough for the CDC to come quarantine you and your neighbors because you’ve probably already been exposed since you were totally defenseless.

Gee, is there any doubt this is a government plan? Don’t protect yourself, folks, the government will save you! Grab your passport (they’ll be checking your papers at police checkpoints) and remember your meds (because that will keep you docile and suggestible), but don’t bring anything like a 45-caliber Glock pistol that might actually help you fend off the zombies. Or a pump action Remington 12 gauge with a couple hundred extra rounds of home defense shells. Seriously, you can’t have a zombie invasion without a 12 gauge shotgun being involved, can ya? Or some 40mm grenade launchers. That’s how you really take out a bunch of zombies. At least that’s how it works in Hollywood.

If you’re in a city where you’re not allowed to own firearms, you can always try to fight off the zombies with golf clubs. That never works out very well in the zombie movies, however. Just so you know. One enterprising inventor has strapped a chainsaw to the underside of an AR-15 and developed the ultimate zombie-killing weapon: The AR-15AZ (Anti-Zombie) device, which he demonstrates on a collection of pumpkins in a video you’ll find on this page: http://mazurland.typepad….

All he needs now is to add a flamethrower, and he’s all set.

You can find the rest of the above featured article here:…

Now, while we may not really be in danger of a zombie apocalypse, there are some points of this article that you might think about. For instance, you may, if you haven’t already, take some time to investigate vaccines and their effects on people – especially children, who get them more than anyone else. Do some of your own research and don’t rely on the media for your information. Just because doctors and pharmacies are urging you passionately to get your injections which they recommend, provide, and profit off of – doesn’t necessarily mean that you should…

Please rate this featured article and leave any comments you have regarding vaccines (or even what YOU would want in your zombie apocalypse survival kit!).



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